Blood, Sweat, and Memory Triggers: New Homeownership.

No, it's not a new musical group; it is what being the new owner of a home comes with. Recently, I bought a house with help from my mom and dad. I knew that home ownership came with its own set of challenges. What to do first, second, third, etc. The list goes on. When I was at my dad's memorial golf tournament recently, I was congratulated a few times on my new home ownership status. Still, I found myself returning to what I had written in my book, Ebbs and Flows, about how these milestones come up without my dad present to see them in person. I shared a story from Reddit that I had come across about a guy who lost his father as well, who was angry and sad that his own father wouldn't be able to be at milestones for him, like home ownership, marriage, having a family, enjoying life with, and so on. The post triggered my emotions because I hadn't thought about what that would entail in my life.

I've gone through this grief journey well for losing someone who was my best friend. As a therapist, I realize there will always be triggers that provide new experiences and emotions. I am trying to emulate my dad with how he took care of his yard with my yard, but it is bringing back memories of him weeding before going to work in the morning. When I went to my mom's house, I had to fend off Augusta, who was mesmerized by the gloves that I wore, much like she had fought my dad for his gloves when he was alive. There will always be moments like these that trigger memories.

As for the new house and the post's title, we had been looking for about a year on and off and went through it with a few different realtors before settling in on a Remax agent. Remax triggered another memory. Our friends who lived up the street from us, their late father, were Remax agents. I wrote in Ebbs and Flows about these Godincidences. I believe that finding this agent was not a coincidence, but was a wink from my dad. Remax is also the sponsor of the Home Plate Club in Pittsburgh's baseball stadium, where my mom and I continue to frequent games thanks to my dad's former employers. Remax is a sponsor of the Pirates. My mom and I saw two days' worth of houses, most of them flipped, before my mom and I saw a house she had sent me the night before. We got to the house and fell in love with it. Fully finished basement or game room, beautiful floors, a gorgeous and spacious kitchen, and much more that I just loved. We decided this was the place. My cousin Blake pointed out that if my dad had been there with us on the tour, he would've liked it too because nothing came flying off the walls.

The process began after putting in an offer and having the former owners accept it. We had the floors refinished from the shiny light brown they were to a darker brown throughout the house. We also began painting the walls in different colors in each room. The main living space is painted grey, the bedrooms are light blue, called open air, and the office is painted "tidewater," a blueish green. The bathrooms are going to be painted a light brown called Beachcomber. Again, another memory: my dad's favorite lunch spot in a beloved family vacation destination is Beachcomber's. They are a barbecue joint in St. Simon's Island, Georgia.

I haven't been able to touch anything in the house interior yet, except where I am putting my Lego village and doing the occasional load of laundry. My mom handles the painting and the interior work; I consider her a massive help. This house has been a challenge to prepare to move into, but it will be worth it. I have been focused on exterior work. I removed the weeds in the front and back yards, dismantled two sheds, planted flowers and hedges recently, removed bricks and pavers, and watched the driveway demolition and resurfacing. My cousin Jimbo and his friend Rich are helping us with larger projects. Rich is a great concreter. Having a concrete driveway will not only look pristine but will also add to the value of this property. The home has a fantastic wood deck space and great bones. Once I have it mulched in the front and I plan to plant rose bushes in the front flower beds, the house will have some great colors to represent it.

Owning a home and doing yard maintenance is a lot of hard work. Every time I am there, I find something else that needs to be done. Yesterday evening, I spent five hours working in the yard. I imagined my dad treating the front yard with weed and feed much like I was doing. When speaking with my neighbors, I told them I am not just a punk kid moving in next door; I have goals and want this house to look great inside and out. Blood, sweat, and money have been poured into this project. Luckily, I have most of what I need already and do not have much else left to purchase.

I am incredibly thankful for my mother and what she has been helping me with. We make a good team. She paints and tells me to stay out of my own house, but I am perfectly fine working on the outside of the house. None of this would have been possible without my dad's hard work. I knew they were going to help me in whatever way they could. My parents helped me buy my Honda HR-V, and now they helped me secure my first home. I wish my dad were here in person to see the work being done, and even with him watching over me and being with me through the process, I wish he would do some yard work for me. Over the last year and a half, I have looked at where we were when we lost my dad. I remember telling my mom that no matter what happened, we would be okay. We are okay.

Do I miss him? Yes, every single day. Not a moment goes by that I don't think of him and his impact on my life. Grief is such a weird experience. For the most part, I am handling it well, but I have my moments. It is challenging but manageable. I plan to put a wall of fame in my office space with photos of my dad and a shadowbox of something of his. I also want to shadowbox something of my Uncle Tom's in that area. I miss them both tremendously, but everything happens for a reason. Through the blood, sweat, and memory triggers, my dad and Tom are always with me.