Breakfast with Bob
- pittghosthunter36
- Jun 28, 2024
- 3 min read
Updated: Jul 2, 2024
One of the most important lessons I have learned in my grief journey is to keep my dad's memory alive. I have to continue relationships with those closest to him. Today was no different for me in this journey. I met up with one of my dad's college roommates from The Ohio State University, Bob, for breakfast. We met at Square Cafe. This was the first time in my adult life that I had met up with Bob for anything. I had no idea that his one daughter was living in Pittsburgh after attending Harvard Law, nor did I know she was clerking for a judge in the same courthouse that I interned in during my undergrad.
We got to know each other over breakfast. Bob shared that my dad and mom were the only people to visit them when they lived in Dubai, and he always valued that. He shared his renewed distaste for the University of Michigan after his daughter applied to law school there, but because Michigan didn't believe she would attend if she got in, they waitlisted her. I think she made the right decision after getting into Georgetown, Stanford, Penn, and Harvard Law, among others; going to Harvard will have a long-lasting positive impact on her resume.
We talked about baseball. Bob has season tickets for the Cleveland Guardians. His other daughter lives in New York, and he shares that when she goes to Yankees games, she still shows loyalty to her hometown Guardians. He has a long-standing promise to his children to send him photos of them wearing Guardians garb in opposing cities' stadiums. We discussed the ups and downs of free agency and small market teams. We shared the frustrations we have with the woes of managerial errors.
Bob checked in on my mom and me during this experience. He shared that the guys my dad associated with in college were happy that my dad had found a woman to spend his life with. My mom, described by Bob as a delight, was a bonus. Bob's birthday is June 14, and my dad's is July 14. He could never forget their birthdays.
We shared breakfast; I went with their French toast, a glass of pineapple juice, and a double order of bacon for my protein on the side. Bob chose the "Square Breakfast" but subbed in a pancake with his eggs. He had coffee to drink. It is impactful for me to continue to have relationships with those who had relationships with my dad. Frequently, I get adult beverages from one of my dad's old coworkers, Brian. We have been meeting at his favorite place: D'z in Regent Square. I think we will be branching out in the future, though. Brian is a great guy to get drinks with, as he has a personal rule of "never being in debt to anyone over drinks." I communicate regularly with golf buddies of my dad's and also talk to a guy via text messages about sports and grief often. Recently, I had an hour-long phone conversation about sports. Continuing these relationships is very important to me as we all grieve.
As a side note, grief is complicated, but it is made easier with all the accessible fanfare of my dad's friends and family, as well as the free meals and drinks. We can help others through their grief experiences by spending time with them in ours.
Personal Reflection: I have gotten away from writing as I am involved in a podcast I created to get my feelings out there about grief. The podcast is entitled Grief: Ebbs and Flows and is also the title of the future memoir I am writing with my aunt. I find myself almost stuck sometimes, mostly late at night, wondering why life has done me like this. I wanted to address a recent conversation for this reflection, where the person I was discussing shared that "eventually, we need to stop sharing our boohoos." Anyone who has ever experienced acute grief from a loss will most likely experience grief. Anyone who tells you to stop grieving or to put a smile on and move on is not able to appropriately help us through our grief process. We need to talk about our feelings and feel comfortable doing that with the people closest to us. We will never be completely healed from this, and it would be unwise not to boohoo. This process is challenging. Grief is difficult to approach alone. Boohooing isn't as damaging as it is portrayed. We are going to have challenging days, nights, and weeks. Having a solid support system that will be there for us if we feel the need to "boohoo" is vital. It is okay to boohoo. Our feelings are valid in this journey. Let it out.
To listen to my podcast, click the link below to access Spotify.
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